In these days of sexual predators, I thought I had found someone who I like emotionally as well.But few days ago,I was rejected. My feelings were rejected. My love was unappreciated and fucking rejected. I won’t blame anyone. It’s ok. That’s how life gives you energy to do something better. It’s ok. I’m ok. Time made me forget some shit. But it taught me another lesson which I cannot accept still. Lets not use the word accept,call it understand. I still don’t understand how. You spend so much time together without getting bored and enjoy the little talks. The little things we do for each other to show off our love and care,never get old. But people do. They get old. Their priorities change. Their taste in people changes. It’s not even about being friend-zoned. Trust me I can’t be any kind of zoned. Straight to your face. Right from my inside. No hiding. No lying. Just so brutally honest. That would explain why I like being alone. But I gave her what I was afraid of. Everyone likes being told a certain amount of lie to them in a sophisticated way that won’t hurt them rather bring a smile on their faces. Anyway,I don’t lie. So fuck you.
Few days later,I was still shedding fucking tears even though I was no longer interested to talk to anyone. Not even her. You won’t talk to someone you showed your inside and get treated like an ordinary option if you have enough respect and self-esteem for yourself. Well,sometimes love supercedes all these stuffs and makes you equivalent to a poor homeless kid searching for food and shelter in a dark cold night. Takes way too much mental strength to stop yourself from going into that beautiful cave of immense pain. Fuck me then. Fuck you Sagar. Get your shit right. Why are you not able to get up from bed now ? You used to get up at 5 and be there on the mountain fucking the shit out of you. What the fucking fuck has happened to you ? Fucking bitch. Answer me. Then I said,give me two days of time.
Two days later,I’m fucking standing on the mountain and two hours later riding my MTB bike at more than 20kph AVG speed. My world was upside down. Now it’s downside is up. Everything’s back to crazy. I do not want to get close to the fire that burnt me for days and nights during these summer days. I don’t even want to give fuel to the fire anymore now it can die on it’s own or it can get help from its new source it has got for the past few months. If everything’s so good,why the fuck are you so angry then ? I’m angry because I lost something which would be really hard to get again in this life. Anyway,fuck that shit. How’s your song going ? Writing any new one ?
I was riding my bike. All I could imagine was the intense pain I went through for a few days. First,she liked me,did not tell me and it’s my fault. Then I liked her and told her,again my fault. Well,in her defence,she did not ask me to want her that way even though she gave awful lot of provocation. I’m not here to find fault. But she should not have led me that way at all if she didn’t have any intention to have something meaningful with me however short. Maybe she just enjoyed watching me beg for her. Well there is Karma. Fuck that shit then. I’m slowly recovering. In a couple of days,I will be the love doctor again.
So back to the first sentence,I was riding my bike with a heart full of pain,I saw a family. They were standing beside the road. A father,a wife and a little kid. Their home was all set on the back of an old cycle. A big bag containing their valuables. The mom was carrying the child. The father was holding the bike. And there I just lost my whole pain. What the fuck is my pain that I’m crying for ? Who the fuck am I to feel sorry for myself ? If they can get up every morning with holes in their clothes and no food in their bag,why the fuck can’t I ? Learnt a life changing lesson right there. Made me realise what kind of fucking bitch you can become if you get motherfucking feelings for someone. Why is it that if your love is not appreciated or rejected,makes you feel like everything is wrong. Everything’s so cold. Feels like you can’t breathe. You are choking on your own pain. I don’t know the answer,but if I ever feel this way again, I know what to think of next.
A family with a home on the back of an old cycle with a smile on their faces. ❤️
SIR SAGZ 